5 Proven Tantric Secrets to Show Your Lover(s) You’re Thankful

Ashley Ryan, M.S.
6 min readNov 27, 2019


Relying on the Kama Sutra to heat-up a romance? You’re missing out on the Eastern erotic wisdom science is proving accurate!

The ancient philosophy of Tantra illuminates a path to empowerment. One harnesses sexual energy by engaging in a weave of life principles, practices, rituals, techniques, yoga, and meditation. Tantric living stresses the importance of experimentation and experience in fulfilling one’s purpose. How do you awaken pleasure and unleash your inner sex god or goddess? Loving yourself manifests sexual power.

Tantra is an art, but education is a science. Research shows us that many of Tantra’s pleasure and intimacy building tools are highly effective. Somatic sex educators are putting these data-backed techniques into practice. We encourage exploration of all the senses. Experimenting with breath, sound, movement, imagination, and touch builds and expands the capacity for pleasure. The pioneering somatic sex educator Caffyn Jesse explains; “by expanding nervous system capacity for excited arousal and relaxed enjoyment, somatic exercises help people build competencies in self-regulation, connection and joy.” ³ Somatic sex educators integrate Tantra’s body-intelligence into learning experiences — scaffolding adults towards sexual empowerment.

Science backs these five tantric techniques for expressing affection within a healthy relationship:

Inhale Sexual Energy

If you’re reading this, your brain is getting enough oxygen to function. But, are you primed for optimum erotic execution? Tantric breathing techniques guarantee to improve sex, and even boast orgasm controlling magic. What does the science say? Stress triggers the body’s natural ‘fight or flight’ response. The resulting increased heart rate and rapid breathing inhibit sexual function. So, breath control is critical to orgasmic bliss.

Calm your bodies together with slow, deep soothing breaths. Clothing optional is optional for this activity. Practice relaxed breathing using this handy-dandy visual aid: GIF courtesy of #DestressMonday.

Arouse Your Senses

Relaxation is key to peak sexual performance, so setting the mood is critical. Tantric massage oils promise tranquility. Does science agree? Yes! A study in Behavioral Neuroscience demonstrates the smell of lavender effectively reduces anxiety.¹ So arouse all your partner’s senses. Add Lavender massage oil to your shopping list. Then, demonstrate your gratitude with a sensual, aromatherapy massage.

Note: Be sure to read product labels. Most massage oils should not be used on genitals. Organic coconut oil is a safe substitute, and a great lubricant!

Titillate Your Taste Buds

Tantra emphasizes the connectedness of one’s body. Tantric wellness is achieved through maintaining a detoxifying diet. This purifies the body and spirit. Somatic sex educators are in agreement with the Tantrikas. The gut and brain are connected. Bacteria in our bellies impact the mind. Essential microbes “interact with intestinal cells to produce about 90 per cent of the body’s supply of serotonin, an important neurotransmitter that influences our perception of pleasure.” ³ Prepare for greater pleasure potential with this Savoring exercise adapted from the Science for Sexual Happiness with your lover:

  • Prepare your favorite fruit for shared enjoyment. Feeding your partner is a wonderful way to demonstrate gratitude.
  • Take it slow. Give your partner time to observe and take in the delicious scent. Notice how the treat feels between your fingers. Is it smooth? slick? wet?
  • When it’s your turn to receive, focus on the sensations of the food entering your mouth. Feel it linger on your tongue. Note the experience of biting into it. Is the flow of juice pleasurable? Are your taste buds turned on?
  • Taste your food’s connection to the earth. Ignite your imagination: envision your snack’s perilous journey to your mouth. Savor.
  • Feel the fruit nourish your body and mind.
  • Feast and give thanks!

Voice Your Desires

Tantra embraces sexuality — wielding pleasure and intimacy as transformative tools. Since our culture generally advocates suppression and associates sexual rapture with shame, vocalizing what our bodies want can be challenging. The brilliant Somatic Sex Educator Dr. Betty Martin, founder of School of Consent, developed a touch exploration activity that addresses this issue! Based on The Wheel of Consent®, this learning activity teaches partners to negotiate desire:

You’ll need a timer to play this game.

Part A

  1. Player one asks, “How do you want me to touch you for three minutes?”
  2. Players agree on a gift of pleasure for the receiver.
  3. Set the timer and go.
  4. Stop when time is up.
  5. Vocalize appreciation.

Part B

  1. Player one asks, “How do you want to touch me for three minutes?”
  2. Players decide what action the receiver is willing to allow.
  3. Repeat steps 3–5.

Switch places and go as many rounds as you’d like!

Boogie Down

Porn goes straight to the climax. Tantra teaches us to enjoy the rising action. Somatic sex educators echo this sage advice. Pleasurable touch causes the brain to produce the love hormone Oxytocin. Sound and movement are also valuable empowerment tools in a somatic sex educator’s box. Turn up your passion with dance!

  • Find a sensual musical mix. Pick your ambiance: jazz, new age, rock, hip hop, or classical can inspire rhythm.
  • Start dancing solo as the music strikes. You’re not on stage, so improvise and enjoy.
  • Once you’ve both got your grove, make and hold eye contact. Linger in that moment.
  • Next, move closer together and slightly touch hands. Notice the sensations in your body and mind. What feelings does your lover’s caress evoke?
  • Now, hold hands. Feel the sexual energy flow through your movements.
  • Consenting adults can take it to full contact from here. Trust your body and yield to its desires.


¹ Harada H, Kashiwadani H, Kanmura Y and Kuwaki T (2018) Linalool Odor-Induced Anxiolytic Effects in Mice. Front. Behav. Neurosci. 12:241. doi: 10.3389/fnbeh.2018.00241: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2018.00241/full

² Jesse, C. (2016). Science for Sexual Happiness: A Guide to Reclaiming Erotic Pleasure. Salt Spring Island, British Columbia: Erospirit.

³ Jesse, C. (2017). Transformative Touch. In Healers on the Edge: Somatic Sex Education. Middletown, DE

⁴ Martin, B. How to play the 3-Minute Game. Retrieved from https://bettymartin.org/how-to-play-the-3-minute-game/.

Photos by Roman Khripkov on Unsplash, Allef Vinicius on Unsplash, Chelsea shapouri on Unsplash, Irene Kredenets Unsplash, Claudia van Zyl on Unsplash, Jakob Owens on Unsplash